Retro Family Counselling
Many who visit this site know I offer a unique
counselling service for families, either to deal with trauma from an
unfortunate event or to help with bonding together. No pun intended. Recently I
was the recipient of a set of anonymized reports from a mentor of mine who
carried out similar work in past years, and I wished to share them with you. Be
aware all names have been chosen by me, and are not the real names of those
involved
Independence Day
This visit was in the early 1980’s and it was a hot
July morning when I called at the home of this American family. They had been
clients of mine before, and it was their mother who called on me to help them
with a family game they wished to play.
It was the mother who opened the door and greeted me,
wearing a blue blouse with red and white circles. It was open, so I could also
see the blue swimsuit and bikini shorts she was wearing underneath the blouse,
as well as flat sandals. Her brown hair was pulled back from her face, with a
bun at the top of her head.
I came in and met her two children again her daughter
was eleven years old and was wearing a red strapless top and white short with
white sandals and a white golfing visor on her blonde hair, while her ten-year-old
son was wearing a red sleeveless top and blue shorts.
I could see their father outside bare chested with a
collar and bow tie, manning the barbecue so I asked what they wanted me to do
and they explained I was to make sure they were being held captive for their
father to rescue. I agreed but said I would keep it simple something they all
agreed with.
I had come suitable prepared, as I produced from my
bag three red ribbons, and told them to stand with their hands behind their
backs while I secured their wrists together behind their backs. They then sat
down as I produced three blue ribbons, one for each of them to make sure their
ankles were secured together as well.
Finally, I smoothed strips of white tape down over
their mouths before the two children stood up and jumped out of the room, while
their mother lay down on her side on a couch. I then went outside, had a word
with their father, and left them to their game
Friday Night Freedom
This p[articular family had
been referred to me after a particular shocking bank robbery in 1985, in which
they had been held hostage overnight, so I suggested that having a session
where they dealt with their fears, before they sat for the traditional Friday night
dinner, would be a good way to quell any of their lingering fears.
So, I arrived early that afternoon to explain what I
was going to do to their mother, Hannah. She was wearing a white blouse with a
blue bird pattern on it, dark blue jeans and black flat shoes, and as I
explained my plan she naturally had some concerns but I promised her there was
no reason to be afraid, and it could be cathartic
A short while later, the children returned, and Hannah
told them to go and do their homework, then change and come back down as I
prepared her. The first to come in was eight-year-old Samuel, who had changed
into a green vest top, red shorts and brown sandals and then he saw Hannah
standing there, with silver tape over her mouth, and a length of rope in her
hands.
I told Samuel that for his exercise, his mother was
going to tie him up and then gag him and his sisters when they came down, but
he was to tell her if he ever felt afraid. He nodded and then put his hands
behind his back as I showed Hannah how to use the rope to make sure they stayed
there. He said he was all right, as I gave her a longer length of rope, and
told her how to make sure his upper arms stayed by his sides.
He then sat in front of the long couch in the front
room, watching as I told Hannah to tie his ankles together once he had crossed
his legs. Once that was done, she tied a length of rope from the rope round his
upper body to his ankles, all the time hearing him reassure her he was all
right, he was not scared.
I then pressed a length of silver tape over his mouth
as his older sister Esther came into the room. Her darker blonde hair was wavy,
and she was wearing a blue, purple and white chintz patterned pinafore dress
with white shoes.
She looked at Samuel as he nodded, and then she
allowed Esther to make sure she was bound in the same way, next to her brother
as they bumped into each other and tried to talk through the tape gags and then
the oldest daughter came into the room. Ruth was fourteen, and she was wearing
a pink dress with a floral pattern and a lace collar. Th dress had short
sleeves and a knee length skirt; the outfit was completed by her white lace
effect shoes.
A few minutes later, she was in the same position as
Eshter on the other side of Samuel, all three of them watching as I secured
Hannah’s wrists together behind her back, and her arms to her sides like the
children, a single band of rope that sat under her chest, before she lay on the
couch opposite them while I secured her ankles and legs.
The part I had to play then was to finish the
preparation for the evening meal, while the rest of the family relaxed and
began to understand their fear was not due to their situation, but with the
ones doing it to them and they were already paying the price in prison
My Girls
Abigail and her two daughters had been the victims of
a home invasion, the three of them left bound and gagged for hours in their
night clothes, and I had been asked to help them to work through the situation
again in a controlled manner.
I met with Abigail, nine year old
Yvette and seven year old Diana a few times, allowing them to talk to me about
what had happened, the fares thy felt, and how they felt now, before I even
broached the question of whether or not they would be willing for me to take
them through the same experience again.
I told them not to wear nightclothes, but casual
clothes, so when I called Abigail was wearing a white vest top over a pink
rollneck sweater, grey slacks and grey ankle boots. Yvette had on a pink
sweatshirt with a large picture of Minie Mouse on the front, black pants and
white socks, while Diana had a black bow in her blonde hair, a white top with
pictures of Minnie Mouse as well, and black pants.
I told them I was going to do this in a comfortable
way, as I asked them to sit next to each other on a couch and produced from my
bag a roll of white tape. As they watched, I used the tape to secure their
ankles together, and then let them talk about how they felt, whether
or not they were scared.
Only when they were happy did I use the tape to secure
their legs together below their knees, and then I waited a while before I got
them to put their hands together in prayer and taped their wrists together in
front of them. I allowed them to talk to each other for a while, before I
covered their mouths with strips of the tape and left them to encourage each
other, in complete safety.
They did start to cry with relief at which point I
removed the tape gags, and used rolled up scarves as cleave gags instead to
help them to cope with expressing their thoughts in a muted way.
I have to say, it did help them to put the events of
that morning behind them
Denim Days
This was one of those occasions when the whole family
took part in the session and I was amused to see them adopting a red and blue
style in unison, if in different ways
The family had six people Mum and Dad, two boys called
Abe and Clive, who were nine and six, and two girls, eleven-year-old Zoe and
eight-year-old Nell. I invited them to come to my rooms to take part in the
session, and as the children watched television in the outer office, I invited
Mum and Dad to come in and get ready first.
He was wearing a denim shirt, faded jeans and brown
shoes, while Mum was wearing a denim coat dress that buttoned up the front, her
feet just visible under the hem of the dress with her brown sandals on. I
explained what was going to happen, and they signed the usual agreements before
I used some soft white rope to secure their wrists together behind their backs
in a comfortable manner.
I then invited them to sit in the center of two long
couches, and to get comfortable before I used more rope to secure their ankles
together, and then their legs below his knees, and around the skirt of Mum’s
dress above her knees. I asked them if they were both all right, and they
nodded as they twisted round.
Mum then asked if the girls could come in first, so I
opened the door and asked Zoe and Nell to come in. Zoe was wearing a red jumper
under a blue denim waist coat, pressed blue jeans and white shoes. Her sister
was wearing a round necked denim dress which came to below her knees, white
tights and white shoes.
I told them to look at Mum, make sure she was all
right, and then to sit on either side of her. When they did so, I bound their
ankles and their legs with more rope, Zoe with her legs below her knees, and
with Nell I asked her mother if it was all right if I folded her skirt back of
a few minutes. When she nodded, I secured her younger sister’s legs below her
knees in the same way, and then folded her skirt back as I asked them to put
their arms round their mother’s arm, and then cross their wrists in front of
themselves.
They then watched as I used more rope to secure their
wrists together, and then tied the ends to the rope below their knees, so that
they were going to stay right where they were. Mum talked to both
of them, making sure they were all right and not hurt, as I went to the
door again and asked Abe and Clive to come in. Abe was wearing a red cardigan
over a blue denim shirt, jeans and white sneakers, while Clive had one denim
dungarees over a red jumper and white trainers.
They looked at their Mum and their sisters, and then
sat on either side of Dad as he talked to both of them,
while I made sure they were bound in the same way as their sisters, their arms
round those of their father. They wriggled round and laughed then I smoothed
red tape over each of their mouths as their Mum and Dad encouraged the kids to
try to talk and to have fun.
Relaxed, and not afraid a win for me
Like Mummy
Like Abigail, Rhonda and her daughters had been the
victims of a home invasion but they had been left
hogtied on their mother’s bed, and their fear was added to by the fact the
intruders did not call for help, so they were left that way for hours.
I had managed to get them to the point where they
would be comfortable if I tied them up, but it was needed to get them past that
final hurdle, so I proposed they spend a morning with me watching over them. So I called on the Sunday afternoon, Rhonda meeting me at
the door in a denim jacket over a white t-shirt, faded blue jeans and black
ankle boots.
I had to smile, however, when I came in and saw ten y.
old Angel and nine year old Mary both wearing their
own denim jackets over white t-shirts, Angel in faded jeans and brown ankle
boot, Mary in the same shade of jeans as her jacket and brown trainers. Rhonda
said they wanted to be the same as much as possible, so I opened my bag as they
all knelt in front of a couch and put their hands behind their backs.
So, I did what we had done before used white cords to
secure their wrists together behind their backs, and then longer ropes to keep
their arms against their sides, forming two bands as their jackets were opened up under the bands.
I then got Rhonda to sit one side of the couch while
the girls watched me secure her ankles together, as well as her legs below her
knees, and then bent her legs so she was sitting on them before I secured her
ankles to her chest ropes behind her back a sitting hogtie, if you will.
The girls asked if she was all right, and Rhonda
assured them she was as I asked Mary to sit next to her mother. They then
watched as I bound her ankles and legs in the same way as Rhonda, then helped
her to lie on her side with her head no Rhonda’s lap -allowing me to bend her
legs back and place her in a loose hogtie as well.
Rhonda sat talking to Mary as I helped Angel to sit on
the other side of the couch, and then place her in the same binding as her
mother. They all started to talk to each other, calm, no longer afraid at least
for as long as they could before I gagged each of them with rolled and knotted
blue bandana.
Rhonda looked at her girls, and then nodded at me as
they wriggled and tried to talk, completely calm and content
Relax
This was an unusual case it started with ten-year-old
Tom, who had been watching a number of cop shows, and
had developed a fascination with people been tied up. An obsession that meant
he kept asking his mother fi she could tie up him and his thirteen-year-old
sister.
This did worry Vivian, his mother and she worked as a
secretary for a colleague, ho referred her to me in confidence. I spoke with
her first, and asked if she would be willing to let me help him see what he was
really wanting. So, she agreed to me coming round the next Saturday morning to
talk to the family.
This was the late eighties, so when I called round, it
was not a surprise to see Vivian in a deep fronted red cardigan and pants, the
cardigan over a V-necked blue sweater, gold shoes on her feet, and long dark
brown hair.
She made coffee and we sat and talked for a while,
before her son Tom came in. He was wearing a blue tracksuit with red and yellow
panels, a yellow T-shirt under the jacket and white trainers, and he sat down
as he told me about what he had seen.
So, I told him I was going to act out a scenario with
him and his mother r- and his sister if she was willing. Vivian said she had
talked to Fanta, and she was interested if a little apprehensive.
So, I asked Tom if he really wanted to know what it
was like, then his mother was going to be the one who tied him up first under
my supervision. That really excited him, as I handed Vivian a length of cord,
and told him to put his hands behind his back.
I then instructed Vivian to double the rope over and
tying his wrists together, before he turned round and showed me the ropes. I
then said he should sit down on the chair, and when he did so I asked Vivian to
make sure his ankles were tied together as well with more cord.
As he was tying that off, Tom’s sister Fanta came in.
The thirteen-year-old was wearing a multi-coloured
sweater over a purple roll neck jumper, white jeans and white bowling shoes
with black laces, her long black hair in a ponytail. She looked at Tom, and
asked if he was all right and when he nodded, she asked if Vivian was going to
do the same to her.
So, imagine her surprise when I said no I was going to
tell her how to do that to her mother. So, under my instruction, Vivian found
herself with her wrists and ankles bound by Fanta, sitting next to Tom and
watching as I secured the girl’s wrists behind her back, and then she sat down
as I secured her ankles as well.
So, there they were, not afraid as Tom explained how
it made him feel to be like this and to see his mother and sister like that as
well. At least he did not spill any hard things to keep quiet about afterwards
but that risk was always there.
Which is why I smoothed the
ticking plaster over his mouth first, and then over Fanta’s mouth as their
mother kissed them both on the head then allowed me to gag her as well. I then
turned on their television there was re-run of Streets of San Francisco on,
with a hostage situation
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